of punting babies and other such matters

I find myself willing and wanting to punt babies when certain things happen. Such things are as follows. (in order, kinda)

-Hearing people eat, even if their mouth is closed. Its disgusting and unnecessary. If you are one of these people, you disgust me.
-Hearing people slurp anything of any kind. I find it happens with coffee more than anything else. therefore i will not have coffee with you if you slurp it.
-Hearing people swallow extremely loud. It sounds like it hurts and makes me want to karate chop your throat.
-People asking me questions during a movie that we both have never seen. I know just as much as you, f*cking retard.
-People gasping and "oooing and ahhhing" in a movie theatre. Shut up you degenerate piece of crap.
-Being behind someone while getting on the freeway that is doing 30-40 mph. You are going to kill me you stupid f*ck. cars on the road you are getting on are doing 65+ mph. you would do well to follow suit.
-Being scolded by anyone that is not my mother. Note: my face and the murderous gaze i am directing towards said person.
-Listening to someone that i know is stupid, try to sound smart by using big words incorrectly. I have recently adopted a "slapping policy" with these people. If you are one of these people, dont talk to me, you will be slapped, and immediatley following said "slap" you will be ridiculed and reminded that you are stupid.
-People that talk about the TV show "lost" like its a religion. The show is stupid, and you dont know anything, in fact you know less about the show than when you watched the first episode. Shut up.
-People that still say "whaaaaat?" "ooooooook!!!" and quote nepoleon dynamite.

Well that about wraps it up. Thanks for reading my rant.

(i am not as hateful as i sound here. i'm actually really nice. But everyone has their buttons. i just chose to list them on my blog.)