it's 1:37am. i am wide awake.

the title of this entry begs the question, why?

i dont think i ask myself that question enough. why am i not sleeping? it stands to reason that i should be. I have to be up at 6am to be in the office by 8am. I have early appointments, and have a big day ahead of me. none of which is going to be enjoiable, or relaxing, or easy for that matter... i need to sleep.

but for some reason i just can't shut off my thoughts...

whether it be thoughts of people, situation, money, or relationship, it doesn't matter, i'm thinking about it.

it wasn't always like this. i used to sleep. i used to dream. there was a time when i just let life live itself.

not anymore. i am old, i need to be more responsible, i need to have direction and purpose. i'm 22.

wait, i'm 22? why do i need all of this?

anyone who knows me, knows this is not me.

life has a tendency of giving you little reminders of what you should be doing. i was given a little reminder recently, and i am listening.

last night i laid my head on my pillow closed my eyes and fell asleep for the first time in 6 months. no thinking, no wondering, no worrying. it was how i used to live and love. it was me.

finally i can sleep agian.

i'm finally asleep.