someone turned off the light at the end of my tunnel...

"thats probably the most depressing thing i have ever heard"-Sean Durham in response to me saying that a couple days ago.

That's probably the truth but i am sure that i am not the only one who has ever felt that way.

"life is hard for most people most of the time." -heard that somewhere and thought it was an awesome quote.

Moving on is probably the most isolating thing we will ever have to do, or at least it is for me. I don't want to seem too vulnerable or exposed so i hide. I think its just the "human" thing to do.

I have always been blessed with more good friends than i can count, they are never more than a call away, some i even live with, and they will be there for me in a second. They have been there and i believe they always will be and i for them. That said, it is still extremely hard for me to turn to someone with my bag of life bull sh*t when i know full well that they have plenty of their own. I dont want to seem like a complainer or that their problems are less prevelant than mine, so i wear a mask. Everything is ok. Everything is taken care of.

So this dirty business of moving on gets swept under the rug, and pushed to the back of my mind.

It builds up and builds up until everything just feels hopeless. Like someone turned off the light at the end of my tunnel. You just feel numb and caloused, so much so that it starts to turn to apathy and resentment. "Healing just takes time", i listened to these words and believed them, because for the most part they are true. But how much time? how long do you have to wait before you stop hurting? The longer i fake it the more i feel like there is no end in sight. There is no promise of a cure, i have no means to an end. The worst part about it is, is that i have no idea that i am even doing it.

Lately i have FINALLY come to realiz that i have a pretty damn cynical view on things because of the past year and half, i let it happen and i hate it. I welcomed my apathy in with open arms. Thats not the way i was raised, and thats not the person I was created to be. Its not the person any of us were created to be.

Its been a rough road coming to that realization. The truth is, it really does just take time, some good friends, oh and not to mention a lot of grace. I think its all over now. A sweet peace has come.

We try and fail and try and try agian. We make sure that life doesn't the best of us. We experience as much as we can and we love everyone.