I want the simple life.
I dont want a lot.
Just what i need.
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
The plan is love...
Not flesh of my flesh. Nor bone of my bone.
But still miraculously my own.
Never forget for a single minute
You didn’t grow under my heart but in it.
That saying is still framed on my parents wall to this day.
Being adopted, i have a unique view on a very sensitive and controversial subject. Abortion.
My biological mother had to make a difficult decision when she was about my age. What do I do with this child I am carrying that i know i cannot take care of? She already had my older twin brother and sister to take care of. How could she possibly keep me?
So on Sept. 11 1986 she gave birth to me and that same day I went to my adoptive parents. A little more than happy about that decision.
Each year an estimated 50 million babies are aborted worldwide. At the current rate, an estimated 43% of women will have at least one abortion by the time they are 45 years old. 46% of women who get abortions have had one or more previous abortions.
In the United States about 3,700 babies are aborted each day or approximately 1,350,500 annually. That's one every 24 seconds. For every 100 births in the United States, there are 31 abortions. 19% of these women are teenagers.
There are over 2,000,000 families waiting to adopt a child here in the U.S.
I ask myself when i read or hear statistics like this, what could I possibly do to change even one helpless young girls decision to abort, to keeping her child or put he or she up for adoption. What could i possibly say to this traumatized girl to help her to see that there is a much better option? One that doesn't hurt anyone's life...
The truth is, i think, that the focus on this issue is too much on the child and not enough on the pregnant girl. After all she is the one with the choice. Please don't get me wrong, i am not taking away from the significance of the babies life, i am just asking that we don't forget that there are two lives involved, and that is often overlooked. In my opinion that is mostly due the the horrible image that is cast on a pregnant teen. Yes she made a huge mistake, but chances are she is aware of that and she is paying dearly for it.
Where does she have to go? who does she have to talk to? She's afraid to talk to her parents. She can't talk to her friends. She is the talk of the school so she drops out, or her parents make her drop out. If she goes to a youth group or church like some of the ones I've been to the leaders will ask her not to come back or go to counseling that is judgmental and self-righteous, and embarrassing. I know that is a fairly large generalization and perhaps I'm being a bit self righteous but i have seen it first hand and it kills me to know that goes on in any forum claiming to be of God.
One of my best friends in 7th grade that i had known since kindergarten and went to my christian middle school, was kicked out in 8th grade because she got pregnant. She came from a broken home and had had a fairly rough childhood. She made a mistake, and people claiming to represent Christ, instead of wrapping their arms around her and loving her as Jesus would, threw her out because she didn't fit in with the "Christian" image they wanted to display to all the wealthy parents sending their children there.
What other choice do these young confused girls have? They don't matter to anyone.
Keep this baby and own up to what you did or we will disown you. If you have an abortion we will never forgive you for it. But keeping it means a lifetime of judgment and ridicule.
You have to get an abortion because you have a bright future, and if you don't it will be ruined. Your father and I don't want our daughter having a child. How do you think that makes us look?
These are two opposite ends of the spectrum that teenage girls hear from "loved ones".
Rather than take away their God given right of choice and free-will, I think we as Christians, we as human beings should, rather than shun them, scold and humiliate them, be-little them, and take away their choice, show them that there is another choice. That there are people that do care, that do understand, and are there to show them Jesus' loving arms, show them that there is a better way.
There are so many resources out there that make it easy for a girl to have an abortion. i.e. planned parenthood, national abortion federation, etc. Researching this subject the other day I found it infinitely more accessible to find an abortion clinic, than to find a non-profit adoption agency in LA. Looking at statistics I clicked on a link that took me to livestrong.com. At the bottom of the page were links and hot lines. The first 7 links were to sites that are for abortion, or for after abortion trauma counseling. The last 2 were for adoption, one of which gave me a "this page cannot be displayed, make sure you type in the correct address" prompt. It broke my heart.
Let me just reiterate quickly. The first option that is shoved in these girls faces is death. The second is help after the death happens. The third option is life. The last option these girls are presented with is life!!! This must change. We can be that change.
If I can just help 1 girl make a choice. Make a decision for life, help her, show her Jesus' love, i think i will have done what God wanted me to do on this earth.
I want her child to feel the rapture in someones loving arms, if it isn't her own, just as I felt in my adopted mothers the day I was born.
The world has planned parenthood.
My plan is love.
But still miraculously my own.
Never forget for a single minute
You didn’t grow under my heart but in it.
That saying is still framed on my parents wall to this day.
Being adopted, i have a unique view on a very sensitive and controversial subject. Abortion.
My biological mother had to make a difficult decision when she was about my age. What do I do with this child I am carrying that i know i cannot take care of? She already had my older twin brother and sister to take care of. How could she possibly keep me?
So on Sept. 11 1986 she gave birth to me and that same day I went to my adoptive parents. A little more than happy about that decision.
Each year an estimated 50 million babies are aborted worldwide. At the current rate, an estimated 43% of women will have at least one abortion by the time they are 45 years old. 46% of women who get abortions have had one or more previous abortions.
In the United States about 3,700 babies are aborted each day or approximately 1,350,500 annually. That's one every 24 seconds. For every 100 births in the United States, there are 31 abortions. 19% of these women are teenagers.
There are over 2,000,000 families waiting to adopt a child here in the U.S.
I ask myself when i read or hear statistics like this, what could I possibly do to change even one helpless young girls decision to abort, to keeping her child or put he or she up for adoption. What could i possibly say to this traumatized girl to help her to see that there is a much better option? One that doesn't hurt anyone's life...
The truth is, i think, that the focus on this issue is too much on the child and not enough on the pregnant girl. After all she is the one with the choice. Please don't get me wrong, i am not taking away from the significance of the babies life, i am just asking that we don't forget that there are two lives involved, and that is often overlooked. In my opinion that is mostly due the the horrible image that is cast on a pregnant teen. Yes she made a huge mistake, but chances are she is aware of that and she is paying dearly for it.
Where does she have to go? who does she have to talk to? She's afraid to talk to her parents. She can't talk to her friends. She is the talk of the school so she drops out, or her parents make her drop out. If she goes to a youth group or church like some of the ones I've been to the leaders will ask her not to come back or go to counseling that is judgmental and self-righteous, and embarrassing. I know that is a fairly large generalization and perhaps I'm being a bit self righteous but i have seen it first hand and it kills me to know that goes on in any forum claiming to be of God.
One of my best friends in 7th grade that i had known since kindergarten and went to my christian middle school, was kicked out in 8th grade because she got pregnant. She came from a broken home and had had a fairly rough childhood. She made a mistake, and people claiming to represent Christ, instead of wrapping their arms around her and loving her as Jesus would, threw her out because she didn't fit in with the "Christian" image they wanted to display to all the wealthy parents sending their children there.
What other choice do these young confused girls have? They don't matter to anyone.
Keep this baby and own up to what you did or we will disown you. If you have an abortion we will never forgive you for it. But keeping it means a lifetime of judgment and ridicule.
You have to get an abortion because you have a bright future, and if you don't it will be ruined. Your father and I don't want our daughter having a child. How do you think that makes us look?
These are two opposite ends of the spectrum that teenage girls hear from "loved ones".
Rather than take away their God given right of choice and free-will, I think we as Christians, we as human beings should, rather than shun them, scold and humiliate them, be-little them, and take away their choice, show them that there is another choice. That there are people that do care, that do understand, and are there to show them Jesus' loving arms, show them that there is a better way.
There are so many resources out there that make it easy for a girl to have an abortion. i.e. planned parenthood, national abortion federation, etc. Researching this subject the other day I found it infinitely more accessible to find an abortion clinic, than to find a non-profit adoption agency in LA. Looking at statistics I clicked on a link that took me to livestrong.com. At the bottom of the page were links and hot lines. The first 7 links were to sites that are for abortion, or for after abortion trauma counseling. The last 2 were for adoption, one of which gave me a "this page cannot be displayed, make sure you type in the correct address" prompt. It broke my heart.
Let me just reiterate quickly. The first option that is shoved in these girls faces is death. The second is help after the death happens. The third option is life. The last option these girls are presented with is life!!! This must change. We can be that change.
If I can just help 1 girl make a choice. Make a decision for life, help her, show her Jesus' love, i think i will have done what God wanted me to do on this earth.
I want her child to feel the rapture in someones loving arms, if it isn't her own, just as I felt in my adopted mothers the day I was born.
The world has planned parenthood.
My plan is love.
Thursday, May 14, 2009
someone turned off the light at the end of my tunnel...
"thats probably the most depressing thing i have ever heard"-Sean Durham in response to me saying that a couple days ago.
That's probably the truth but i am sure that i am not the only one who has ever felt that way.
"life is hard for most people most of the time." -heard that somewhere and thought it was an awesome quote.
Moving on is probably the most isolating thing we will ever have to do, or at least it is for me. I don't want to seem too vulnerable or exposed so i hide. I think its just the "human" thing to do.
I have always been blessed with more good friends than i can count, they are never more than a call away, some i even live with, and they will be there for me in a second. They have been there and i believe they always will be and i for them. That said, it is still extremely hard for me to turn to someone with my bag of life bull sh*t when i know full well that they have plenty of their own. I dont want to seem like a complainer or that their problems are less prevelant than mine, so i wear a mask. Everything is ok. Everything is taken care of.
So this dirty business of moving on gets swept under the rug, and pushed to the back of my mind.
It builds up and builds up until everything just feels hopeless. Like someone turned off the light at the end of my tunnel. You just feel numb and caloused, so much so that it starts to turn to apathy and resentment. "Healing just takes time", i listened to these words and believed them, because for the most part they are true. But how much time? how long do you have to wait before you stop hurting? The longer i fake it the more i feel like there is no end in sight. There is no promise of a cure, i have no means to an end. The worst part about it is, is that i have no idea that i am even doing it.
Lately i have FINALLY come to realiz that i have a pretty damn cynical view on things because of the past year and half, i let it happen and i hate it. I welcomed my apathy in with open arms. Thats not the way i was raised, and thats not the person I was created to be. Its not the person any of us were created to be.
Its been a rough road coming to that realization. The truth is, it really does just take time, some good friends, oh and not to mention a lot of grace. I think its all over now. A sweet peace has come.
We try and fail and try and try agian. We make sure that life doesn't the best of us. We experience as much as we can and we love everyone.
That's probably the truth but i am sure that i am not the only one who has ever felt that way.
"life is hard for most people most of the time." -heard that somewhere and thought it was an awesome quote.
Moving on is probably the most isolating thing we will ever have to do, or at least it is for me. I don't want to seem too vulnerable or exposed so i hide. I think its just the "human" thing to do.
I have always been blessed with more good friends than i can count, they are never more than a call away, some i even live with, and they will be there for me in a second. They have been there and i believe they always will be and i for them. That said, it is still extremely hard for me to turn to someone with my bag of life bull sh*t when i know full well that they have plenty of their own. I dont want to seem like a complainer or that their problems are less prevelant than mine, so i wear a mask. Everything is ok. Everything is taken care of.
So this dirty business of moving on gets swept under the rug, and pushed to the back of my mind.
It builds up and builds up until everything just feels hopeless. Like someone turned off the light at the end of my tunnel. You just feel numb and caloused, so much so that it starts to turn to apathy and resentment. "Healing just takes time", i listened to these words and believed them, because for the most part they are true. But how much time? how long do you have to wait before you stop hurting? The longer i fake it the more i feel like there is no end in sight. There is no promise of a cure, i have no means to an end. The worst part about it is, is that i have no idea that i am even doing it.
Lately i have FINALLY come to realiz that i have a pretty damn cynical view on things because of the past year and half, i let it happen and i hate it. I welcomed my apathy in with open arms. Thats not the way i was raised, and thats not the person I was created to be. Its not the person any of us were created to be.
Its been a rough road coming to that realization. The truth is, it really does just take time, some good friends, oh and not to mention a lot of grace. I think its all over now. A sweet peace has come.
We try and fail and try and try agian. We make sure that life doesn't the best of us. We experience as much as we can and we love everyone.
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
the pursuit of love or something in that general direction...
Ok I'll admit it, I am a hopless romantic. I hate/love that fact.
In and out of relationships since I was 15, I am coming to realize, especially recently, that i have no idea what i am doing.
Trial and error in its most primitive form.
In and out of relationships since I was 15, I am coming to realize, especially recently, that i have no idea what i am doing.
Trial and error in its most primitive form.
Friday, May 8, 2009
pic blog moved
www.michaelhasyou.blogspot.com
Sunday, March 15, 2009
wait... ya i do remember that, what happened?
i think i had a life before you. i vaguely remember it. i think i left it for you, when i should have complimented it with you, but knowing you, you would've never let that happen, it wouldn't have fit into your plan. you're gone now as quickly as you came, and i am looking for a forethought, mine. i can't remember where i left it, somewhere in an obscure past littered with memory and nostalgia, i think it was good, happy even. i loosely remember better times and bigger lives, but its nowhere to be found. makes me wonder whether or not life existed before your coup de tat. was it all a dream, was it all a fallacy written to keep me searching and never living? i know i had it because i dream so lucidly about life before you... faces are blurred and stories are muddy, but it makes it worth while to go to sleep and i wake up almost healed, almost happy. then i remember that this is my life now, tarnished and jaded because i forgot my journey to you. i will keep looking, keep searching for what i had because it is out there somewhere and they/it is waiting for me to come back... it always has been.
Monday, February 23, 2009
it's 1:37am. i am wide awake.
the title of this entry begs the question, why?
i dont think i ask myself that question enough. why am i not sleeping? it stands to reason that i should be. I have to be up at 6am to be in the office by 8am. I have early appointments, and have a big day ahead of me. none of which is going to be enjoiable, or relaxing, or easy for that matter... i need to sleep.
but for some reason i just can't shut off my thoughts...
whether it be thoughts of people, situation, money, or relationship, it doesn't matter, i'm thinking about it.
it wasn't always like this. i used to sleep. i used to dream. there was a time when i just let life live itself.
not anymore. i am old, i need to be more responsible, i need to have direction and purpose. i'm 22.
wait, i'm 22? why do i need all of this?
anyone who knows me, knows this is not me.
life has a tendency of giving you little reminders of what you should be doing. i was given a little reminder recently, and i am listening.
last night i laid my head on my pillow closed my eyes and fell asleep for the first time in 6 months. no thinking, no wondering, no worrying. it was how i used to live and love. it was me.
finally i can sleep agian.
i'm finally asleep.
i dont think i ask myself that question enough. why am i not sleeping? it stands to reason that i should be. I have to be up at 6am to be in the office by 8am. I have early appointments, and have a big day ahead of me. none of which is going to be enjoiable, or relaxing, or easy for that matter... i need to sleep.
but for some reason i just can't shut off my thoughts...
whether it be thoughts of people, situation, money, or relationship, it doesn't matter, i'm thinking about it.
it wasn't always like this. i used to sleep. i used to dream. there was a time when i just let life live itself.
not anymore. i am old, i need to be more responsible, i need to have direction and purpose. i'm 22.
wait, i'm 22? why do i need all of this?
anyone who knows me, knows this is not me.
life has a tendency of giving you little reminders of what you should be doing. i was given a little reminder recently, and i am listening.
last night i laid my head on my pillow closed my eyes and fell asleep for the first time in 6 months. no thinking, no wondering, no worrying. it was how i used to live and love. it was me.
finally i can sleep agian.
i'm finally asleep.
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